Last Tuesday during dinner, my six year old daughter looked at me, smiled in between bites of her chicken, and said, "Hey Daddy, can I tell you what I like about you and what I don't like about you?" Eager to hear what she would say, of course I said yes. She proceeded to give me feedback -- some of it remarkably insightful -- about my parenting.
As a professional communications coach, I was charmed by my daughter's excellent approach to feedback. She did 3 things perfectly:
- She asked for permission to give me feedback first;
- She gave balanced feedback; and
- Her feedback was specific.
Timely, balanced feedback with the intent of improving a relationship or process can serve as a powerful tool for rapport and team building. We must be cognizant of our approach, though, in both giving and receiving feedback. To make the feedback session as productive and pleasant as possible, you can incorporate these techniques:
- Ask permission first.
Giving someone feedback without getting permission is a set up for conflict - overt or covert. Then, set aside time to allow for preparation. Find the right time and place to minimize distractions. Slipping into a conference room at a pre-arranged time, even for an informal feedback session, can enhance the impact.
When you give feedback, it is critical to discuss specific behaviors and the impact on the company, team, you, the client, or peers. Be sure to talk about what the other person can control. The more specific you are about his behavior, the more likely that the recipient will understand and successfully alter future behavior.
If you only offer praise, you send the erroneous message that there is no room for improvement. If you offer only criticism, the message is that there was nothing positive to comment on. Neither is likely to be true; therefore, it is most fair to offer a balance of observations.
We all appreciate receiving feedback from a person who clearly respects us. When we speak to others, it is best to speak to them with the words and tone that we would like to hear from someone else. No one should have to "grow thicker skin" to receive constructive feedback in the workplace.
When we offer feedback as quickly as possible after an observation, it will be considered more valuable. Comments on one's presentation at the Monday Morning Meeting, for example, are far more interesting and useful to the presenter on Monday afternoon than they would be two weeks from now. The more time that passes between the observation and the feedback, the greater likelihood of vagueness, forgetfulness, and disagreement.
Feedback does not need to be uncomfortable. With practice over time, you will learn to find the right words to encourage and motivate; you'll also become more open to receiving feedback yourself.
If you need to work on giving and receiving feedback, you are not alone. Many professionals find that giving good, useful feedback is not intuitive. If you find this is the case, try using the short list of common best practices the next time you need to give someone feedback. If you need more support we are happy to help.
